My unintentional heart

*I wrote this post after returning from Zambia in January of 2010 but never published it. 
I loved finding this little gem, hidden among published posts and a few other drafts.
I love that I was able to go back and see so many of the Lifesong kids and how they have grown to understand the love of our heavenly Father! 
I love that God is healing their broken heartsQ


February 2010

I was recently telling someone about William and the efforts that are being made for the precious boy.
With tears in their eyes, I was asked, "Why are you doing this?"
It wasn't an accusation, just an honest question.

Why am I so passionate about William?
About all orphans?
Or about those who are hurting?

A large part of it is personal.

As some of you may know, my dad died when I was almost 7 years old.

I know the pain of losing a parent.
The pain of crying myself to sleep.
The pain of wishing, praying and pleading with God to bring my daddy back.
And the pain on coming to realize that he is gone on this earth, forever.
The pain of growing up and trying to figure out who I am while missing a large piece of the puzzle.

I was blessed to have a loving family, church community and friends growing up.
I never doubted I was loved by people.

But I did have a period of my life where I truly doubted God's love.

See, my dad had told me about God's love for me.
I grew up hearing Bible stories read at bedtime, Sunday school every Sunday, and singing Jesus Loves Me.
When my dad died it all felt like a lie.

If God is love, how and why would He do something that makes me hurt so deeply?
I struggled to understand God's love when it didn't feel good.

Getting to know the kids at Lifesong and hearing their stories, most of them have or will soon experience the deep pain of losing a parent.
And the Lifesong kids are the ones who are lucky.
They have an amazing support system in the teachers and staff at the school who will walk with them in their pain.
They will have a loving place to take refuge in their pain.
They have people all over the world who are praying for them.

One look in to many of the big brown eyes and you can see the depth of pain experienced in their lives.

Will they question God's love for them?
Do they know they are loved unconditionally?
Can they understand that even though God allowed the pain in their lives that He has a purpose for it?

I never intended for Africa to affect me the way it has.
I've been to Haiti, Jamaica and Mexico.
I've seen poverty.
Yet I haven't been touched to the depth I was at Lifesong.

I think part of it is that I am more aware of myself.
I have had more time to learn, grow, and process my life experiences.
I have experienced God's love at a deeper and more intimate level than ever before.

A lot of people have taken an interest in William.
His pain is visible.
One look at his picture and anyone with the slightest bit of compassion feels pain for him.

And one look into his empty eyes shows the intense pain inside of him as well.

Most of the kids at Lifesong don't have a visible disability like William does.
Yet their hearts and emotions are broken and damaged.

It is the things that are not visible to our eyes that can be the most difficult for these kids.
Their pain can't be seen, but it is there.
And a pain that can't be taken away or a disability that can't be fixed by surgery and some rehabilitative therapy.

Their pain is deep and lasting.
There is only One who can heal them.
One who can heal their broken hearts, fixed the damaged emotions.

At Lifesong school, they are learning about the One.
About Jesus, the Great Physician.
They are daily encountering people who God placed withing the walls of the school to help them trust and be willing to allow the healing to take place.

And even though healing can take place, there will forever be a scar.
A scar that is a reminder of the intense love the Father has for them.

Take a look at these kids.
While they aren't visibly disabled like William, they are emotionally damaged.
And without Christ's love, they will have a permanent disability when it comes to living life and loving others and themselves.

*ALL images captured by Taryn Kaiser of Imagine Artists